Fooohhhhh!! (Hard Gay!)

Who's the funniest guy (or gay) in Japan?


Hard Gay!

I have a new pastime at the office when things get slow, which only happens when our Frankenstein boss is not around intimidating everybody (he has this annoying habit of talking to people so close, you can actually smell AND see what he had for breakfast!). It's watching videos at YouTube and Google Video.

And while browsing around at lunchtime, I caught this clip of Hard Gay, a Japanese comedienne who dresses up in Village People/Freddy Mercury black leather cut-offs and studs, and has the physique of a pro-wrestler. He goes around the city doing random acts of kindness, but with his trademark gay style-- He loves to pelvic-thrust with arms raised, and shouts "Fooohhhhh!!" at the end of any phrase (Wait, I know someone who’s exactly like that…). His real name btw. is Masaki Sumitani, and he’s straight(not gay).

A picture of Hard Gay in action, taken from the show Bakuten. The purple text reads, "Welcome to the Hard Gay gas station!"

He’s absolutely sidesplitting, and has achieved cult status in Japan from what I read. The last clip I saw him in was his visit to Yahoo!’s Japan office. At the end he strapped himself with neon-light ropes, arms raised, and crane lifted to replace the “Y” in a huge outdoor neon sign of Yahoo! (And yes, whenever the sign lights up, he shouts “Yahoo!”).

Notes:
Links to Hard Gay videos at:
- YouTube
- Google video

The "new" kuwarta o kahon

There's a new game on NBC, which hasn't been showed yet on cable, called "Deal or no Deal".



Hosted by comedianne Howie Mendel(Isn't he the guy who now hosts America's Funniest at Disney Channel?), here's how the game is played:

"The rules are simple. Choose a briefcase. Then as each round progresses, you must either stay with your original briefcase choice or make a 'deal' with the bank(a mysterious entity) to accept its cash offer in exchange for whatever dollar amount is in your chosen case. Once you decide to accept or decline the bank's offer, the decision is final. Contestants are encouraged to ask friends or family in the audience for advice; however, only the contestant's answer will be considered binding and final."

[Tuny coughs]

Rip-off!!

Maybe the producers, Endemol(also the makers of Big Brother) were avid fans of Kuya Pepe Pimentels's Kuwarta o Kahon, and saw how good the game was in the 80s. It also has shades of Eat Bulaga's Laban O Bawi, where you have the Sex Bomb Dancers holding the boxes, while at Deal you have 26 glamorous spokesmodels each holding a brief case.



Ang hirap mamili no? One of the Deal models btw. is Filipina, Jenilee. Maybe we can convince her to join the new Sex Bomb Dancers.



The difference I see in Kuwarta/Laban and Deal, which probably makes it more exciting, is you can actually see how much money you are loosing as the game progresses. Also, instead of winning a banig, bunot, or a bayong of kangkong (as in Kuwarta & Laban), the lowest you can loose here in $.01(a penny).

If you want to get a feel of the game, (or, ehem, nothing to do in the office)play the online version of the game. I won a penny in my last game (I'd imagine feeling like a total fool winning that over a million dollars on live TV).

Graduation & Raymond Lauchengco

At the office

Tuny: Alywn, congratulations, graduation mo na pala mamya (MBA undergrad sya).

Officemate: Salamat pre, halfday nga ako mamya eh.

Tuny: Cool! Dre, iiyak ka ba mamya?

Officemate: Ket naman??

Tuny: Pano kung tinugtug na yung kanta ni Raymond Lauchengco ~~ Fairwell to you my friend, we'll see each other again~~~ Iiyak ka ba?

Officemate: [Hagikgik sa tawa]



Speaking of Raymond Lauchengco, mga salita and phrases na matagal ko nang hindi naririnig na narinig ko this week:
1. Peks man (promise)
2. Jeproks (hippie)
3. Toga (sapatos)
4. Yoyo (relos)
5. Careful-careful (Gel Relos @ TV Patrol)

To the office!

I took photos using my Siemens M65 on my way to work today.

I usually take the car, pero kasi nga andyan na ang twins at mahal ang gas, bus at jeep muna tayo para makatipid ng konti. Mausok, mainit man o masikip, I actually enjoy it since I see a lot of things that I miss when driving.

There are a number of bus companies that ply the Las Pinas-Lawton-Sta Cruz route. There's RRCG, Bensan, Al Transco, Taz Trans and Arabia Boy(Siguro balbas-sarado ang me ari nito). However my favorite is Igan, the one I'm on right now.

Good thing about Igan buses are their seats. They only accomodate 2 per bench seat. Compare this to three-and-two-seat buses, na pag mataba nakatabi mo, kalahati lang ng puwet ang uupo. Not only that, pag nakaupo ka sa bandang likod at tayuan, pati ilong mo magkaka-gasgas sa sikip ng aisle.

Sayang sira ata ang TV, hindi ko makikita si Love Annover(?) magsayaw today(Thank god!). Question: bakit ba lahat ng buses sa Las Pinas sa GMA7 naka tune?

What's more refreshing than riding in a bus with curtains with rose patterns in the morning?

Flyer pasted on my window. Bakit nga ba gustong-gusto ng tao ang mga tele-novela na puro sampalan, iyakan at awayan? Nakita nyo na ba ang role ni Cherry Gil sa Gulong? May tao nga bang ganun kasama ng ugali? (Btw., hindi ako nanunuod nun, nadadaanan ko lang kasi lahat sila s bahay tagasubaybay ng Gulong.. peks man!)

MP3 player, the new cellphone. Deadma sa katabi nyang mama na naka-sando lang (buti na lang si lola nakatabi ko).

Sa tollgate.

Punuan na.

A caucasian riding a jeep.

Yikes, 7:25 na, malalate na ako (Faster Mr. bus driver, faster!)

Mr. Smiling face kunduktor. Paid P15 and got off at Coastal mall.

From the corner of coastal mall and sucat, I walk 5 minutes to get to the jeepney stop. Good thing they changed that billboard. Its Cesar Montano now, but it used to be a guy wearing just briefs, with a pose as if he was dancing and clapping to a song(nai-imagine ko tuloy ang pictorial nun, hehehe).

My jeepney ride's name is Mhai Mafel(probably the name of the driver's daughters), with a cool benz emblem in front.

Bayad po stories...
Story 1
Tuny sumakay sa jeep, inaantok:
Tuny: Ma, pabili... (ack, tinawanan ng mga kolehiyala, pahiya!)
Story 2
Tuny: Ma, bayad [nagabot ng "pera"]
Driver: [Kinuha, tinignan, sabay kamot at soli ng pagalit] Hindi ako tumatanggap nito!
Tuny: [Nagtaka pa, e nabayad nya e maliit na sobre na may 1x1 picture nya sa loob]

Just made the 7:45 company shuttle. Tayuan na. As usual, corporate chismis habang bumibyahe (may bonus na ba? Sino yung nahuli sa fire escape naghahalikan kahapon?).

Superman (So that's why..)

I'm looking forward to Superman Returns, which stars newbie Brandon Routh as the Man of Steel, and Oscar winner Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor.



I don't know about Mr. Routh (he appeared in just one movie previous to Sup), but I think Spacey will make a heck of a Luthor, maybe even better than Gene Hackman. He's my second favorite actor to play a villain, next to Christopher Walken.

So this is why he's called Superman...


... He has big, strong hands!


Trivia: Luthor is one of several Superman characters with the initials "LL," including Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lionel Luthor, Letitia Lerner, Lori Lemaris, and Linda Lee (aka Supergirl).

I might ride a helicopter to Pinatubo tomorrow

I might ride a helicopter to Pinatubo tomorrow, I might ride a helicopter to Pinatubo tomorrow, I might ride a helicopter to Pinatubo tomorrow.

I can hear the theme of Airwolf(1984) playing in my head.




I've never been on a helicopter. Will you cross your fingers for me?

For Trade: One (1) Mr. Bean Key Chain

HI. In my possession right now, standing on top of my desk, is a Mr. Bean Keychain.



I would like to make an offer to anyone out there willing to trade for this item. A Mr. Bean keychain may not sound much, but let me assure you that it is worth much, much more than it looks:

- Despite having been in my possesion for over a year now, it has NEVER been used and kept in my air tight office cabinet(for fear of depreciating its market value).

- I suspect that despite the appearance, the keychain is not of Mr. Bean, but of British actor...

...David Suchet,

...or (gasp) Sir Sean Connery.

- There are no trademark markings, which could only mean production of this item was discontinued before making the store shelves (thus it is a collector's item).

I will accept any item for as long as it is worth more than one (1) Mr. Bean Keychain (rubber sandals, a flashlight, a pepper and salt shaker, a pair of "unused" underwear, even seats to watch Wowowie).

Trades for this item is limited to areas that can be accessed via public transport from my location here in Las Pinas. I promise to personally visit you to make the trade (if you are in Cambulo, Banaue, it may take some time for me to get there).

So if you have anything to trade worth more than one (1) Mr. Bean Key Chain, send me your offer at tuny@pacific.net.ph.


P.S.
As in One Red Paper Clip, I'm going to make a continous chain of up-trades until I get a car, a house, a car and a house, or a week's all expense-paid vacation in Boracay.

Wanna Up-Trade?

Have you seen One Red Paper Clip? This blog is run by Kyle Macdonald, who had this crazy idea: Could he use the Internet to barter a paper clip for something better, and trade that thing for something else — and so on and so on until he had a house?

Well as things went, he ended up making a series of trades (a pen, a door knob, a stove, a generator, a "one instant party", a snow mobile, etc.) up to a year's free-rent stay at a nice house in Phoenix.

That's quite an impressive trading run. Do you think he'll get his house?

Hmmm.... [Ka-ching!]

I rummaged through my office cabinet to see what I can barter. I found pencils, a marker, a stapler(not mine), a mirror(what is this doing here??), writing pads, and a bottle opener. I also found paperclips, not only red ones, but in different colors(maybe I can offer to trade a GREEN paper clip..nahhh).

As I was about to drop the idea, I see the item that could possibly lead me to my very own house, car, or an all-expense paid vacation to Boracay for me and Pam.

For my next post I will formally make a trade offer for this item.

Lexi the Poop

Lexi pooped last night, and boy did she let out a shitload of poop, you'd think an adult did the stinker.

She had poop in her diapers, on her diapers, on their crib, on her sheets, on her feet, on her hands, and on her cheeks. Good thing we didn't name her Winnie or she'd be Winnie the Poop.

Where can I buy a Cifrele in astral colors?

If today was the 70's and I had a mustache, I'd be a model (correction, I'd be a star!).



I found this photo in Chuvaness' blog.

I would love to have a pair of Cifrele pants in "astral colors" and wear it at the office on fridays. Anybody know where I can buy one?

The best view of Mt. Everest...

Is definitely from the top.

I received this photo of Mt. Everest from my office buddy and former PALMC president Danny M.. It was said to have been taken by Roddy Mackenzie, who climbed the mountain in 1989.


Mt. Everest stands 8.85 kilometers above sea level, roughly the maximum height reached by international airplane flights, or less than the 300 kilometers achieved by a space shuttle. Hundreds of people have tried and failed to climb the behemoth by foot, a feat first accomplished successfully in 1953. About 1000 people have now made it to the summit.

“There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.” - Ernest Hemingway

Nice: Football, Brushstrokes et al & Griffin & sabine

Check out Football, Brushstrokes et al... by Rene Enriquez. His journal shows his world through his sketches.

His blog reminds me of Nick Bantock's wonderful book, Griffin & Sabine.

Good Luck to the Filipino Mt. Everest expeditions!

I love to climb mountains, but have not been doing so in the last few years as I've been kept busy changing diapers by my three chikitings(and that's no easy feat at 1AM!).

That's why I envy the three expeditions going up Mt. Everest this year.

Sadly, a lot of criticisms have been popping up at the MFPI egroups (the network wars, how the Philippine Team was a barkadahay, and that one of the climbers is "not worthy" to summit the world's highest peak carrying the Philippine colors, due to his lack of experience(or popularity?).

To me, summiting a great mountain shreads you of all your physical attachments. At the summit, fatigued and in pain, you don't say "I did it for my country" or "I did it for my sponsors", but rather a simple "I did it" does the trick.


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Read more about the Philippine Everest expeditions at the sites below:
Mt. Everest News
The Official Philippine Everest Expedition Website
Romy Garduce's Blog Site

Things to to do between 9AM to 11AM

Mainit ang ulo ni boss(either natalo sa isang milyon-milyon na bid, or hinde naka-score kagabi)... must pretend to be busy...

Things to to do between 9AM to 11AM:
- mag check ng email
- mag check ng mga blog (Ella's stories really crack me up, hehehehe)
- mag isip ng mga pangalan ng dance group ko ("Dangerous Moves", "The Crazy Katz", "The Punkers")
- mag CR ng limang beses between 9-11AM
- Create my own South Park character (Syempre puyat)

- Create a South Park character version of Pam (hahaha, puyat di..zzzzzzzzz)



Sigh, so much to do, so little time....

Movies that define your teenage life

I just woke up, it's 12NN, and I was trying to catch up on sleep. The twins were at their usual little-monster selves last night trying to keep things "happening." I caught Pam watching Sharon Cuneta and Gabby Concepcion's P.S. I love you, and managed a glimpse of the scene where Sharon is groping Gabby's face in a stupid game where you are blindfolded and asked to catch and identify someone amid a giggling and shrieking crowd (of course ang magpapahuli lang dito eh yung may crush o ka-love team mo. This game reminds me of the Marriage Booth sa mga school fair dati, na ipapahuli ka ng crush mo para ikasal kuno kayo. Btw., di ako na-mamarriage booth dati kasi inde naman ako heart throb, kaya sa Jail Booth lagi bagsak ko).

So baduy. I asked Pam "Bakit mo pinapanood yan?"

"Anu ka ba, that's one of the movies in the 80's that defined every teenager's life." (Note: Pam and I are in our early 30s).


P.S. I Love you? Define my teenage life?

Never!!

Below are some of the movies that shaped Tuny's life, as I see it today.

Robot Jox(1990). Starring Gary Graham and Anne Marie Johnson(Who??). Natatandaan ko ito because of the great special effects (mala-Bioman/robot in karton suits pa nga lang noon), at naholdap ako nun sa Recto paglabas ko sa sinehan kasama ang best friend kong si Joel(Syet! Nakuha yung matagal kong inawitan na diver's watch!).

Karate Kid(1984). Immortal. Starring Ralph Macchio(asan na kaya ito) and Elisabeth Shue in her pre-sexy star days(Thanks Pam, hindi ko natandaan yun ah!). Sino ba naman ang mag-aakalang matutuo ka ng kick-ass karate moves sa pamamagitan ng paglinis ng kotse at paliligo sa dagat (Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off. The Crane--Hee-yah!!).

Mac & Me(1988). ~~I had a feeling, all by myself, being so different, from everyone else~~ (Natural, alien ka ba namang dumapo sa Earth, kung di ka ba naiba sa lahat). This was voted pala as one of the worst movies of the century (I'm hurt...)

Ninja Kids(1986). J.C. Bonin rules! Dito ako natutong maghubad ng t-shirt at ilagay sa ulo ko ala-Ninja, at magtatakbong hubad sa Sampaloc na may hawak na patpat(Kasama ko manood nito ay yung magandang katulong ni Tita Uling sa Manuela Mall sa Las Pinas -yeba!).

Bagets(1984). Sino ba naman ang hindi makakalimot sa kakaibang intro at ending nito, na ginagaya noon sa lahat ng production number sa school ala Dating Doon-- From sa banggaan ni William Martinez at Raymond Lauchengco, hanggang sa moonwalk ni Aga Muhlach! Sadly ako palagi si Herbert Bautista dito kasi ako ang pinaka pangit at patpatin noon sa class.

Superman(1978). ~~Tantarararan-dandandan, tantarararan, Superman! ~~ (ay wala palang lyrics ito). Keanu has nothing on Christopher Reeves!

The American Ninja(1985). Starring Michael Dudikoff. Natatandaan nyo yung scene na nakikipagbugbugan sya sa mga sundalo? Na sa huli ay tatalian niya yung mata nya bago sya magpapapukpok sa ulo sa isang negro, sabay ilag? (Cool... Sadly sa pelikula lang nagagawa ito, at ilang beses din ako nagkabukol noon).

Teen Wolf(1985). Starring
the then teen everyone wants to be, Michael J. Fox. Sayang inde ako pinayagan ng tatay ko na magsurf sa ibabaw ng hatchback namin.

Thriller(1983). Kung akala mo MTV lang ito, you're wrong! Pinanood ko dati ito sa recto. Starring Michael Jackson(of course) and directed by John Landis, isa pa ito sa mga ginagaya sa school production numbers (Yung zombie dance). Natatandaan ko pang sinayaw ito ng Octoarts Dancers sa Student Canteen (siyempre inaaral ko yung moves at sinasabayan ko!).



Hayy, ang sarap talaga nang buhay ng bata. Sige na magtitimpla pa ako ng gatas ni Julia.
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[Afterthough: Napansin mo ba nung bata ka, pag hindi ka pinayagan ng nanay mo manood ng sine or kulang ang baon mo, sasabihin mo lang na "hihintay ko na lang ito sa TV." Funny enough parang sandali lang nasa TV na nga ang pelikulang iyon... ]

Click: Wonder Baby

We're proud parents of a very "special" baby.









This is Julia at 3 months, enjoying Michael Chrichton's Prey and Sydney Sheldon's If Tommorow Comes. She gave up on nursery rhymes at 2.










Below's Mommy and Julia sharing a light moment (I think there's something wrong in this picture).

Nakautot ka na?

---------------------------------------------------------
Date: March 25
Time: 12NN
Location: Perpetual Hospital, Las Pinas
Current Mood: Still drowsy (and a bit gassy)
---------------------------------------------------------

Pam was rolled in this morning from the recovery room. First thing I noticed (aside about her catheter) was how small her tummy was. Honestly, I don't remember the last time i saw her that "slim". Note that it was only last year that we gave birth to our panganay Julia, making it a two year-long pregnancy. I think this was a record of sorts, adding the fact that we have 3 babies in 2 years(Maybe I should check the Guiness Book of World Records). I asked her how she was, and she gave me a nasty stare (I have a 6-inch incision in my belly, and you're asking me if I'm OK?).

Well she was up and about that same day-- brave girl I married! I think if men were the ones giving birth, I would have chosen celibacy (Tule nga lang nanginginig na ako sa takot, panganganak pa!). Her doctor insisted that she try to move around as much as she can para mautot na sya. An hour later a nurse came in with her meds, and asked non-challantly if nauutot na sya. That evening the care giver who came in to change her napkins (mental note: no sweet & sour pork for dinner) also asked if na-utot na sya. She then asked if she was nautot na. Even the nice hospital janitress joined the fray and asked:

Nautot na po kayo?

Maybe you're asking: What's with this fart fetish? Why was the entire hospital staff suddenly obsessed with Pam's fart? Did it turn sweet after the c-section?(Mam, utot mo ang bango.. at kulay orange!).

Well as funny or repulsive as it sounds, doctors do look forward to seeing (or hearing) their patients break gas after an operation. As explained to me by my nephrology doctor after my kidney donation, passing gas is a good sign that indicates your digestive system is working normally after a major operation.

Well apparently Pam was well enough the next day to say (and proudly at that!)"Oo, nautot na ako".



********


Some fart facts
- Farts are created mostly by E. coli.
- On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.
- The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.
- A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.
- Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.
- Termites are the largest producers of farts.
- Farts are flammable.
- The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").
- Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."
- More but utterly useless (but funny) fart facts at www.heptune.com

You can also make music with the Farting Nun Organ

Yipeee! (The twins are out!)

---------------------------------------------------------
Date: March 24
Time: 5AM
Location: Perpetual Hospital, Las Pinas
Current Mood: Drowsy but ecstatic
---------------------------------------------------------

Yahoo! Yipee! Yadda-yadda-yadda! U-ki-ni-na-nat-tuyen! (Sorry, baka may Pangalatok dito,hehehe)

Attention: The twins are out! The twins are out! The twins are out! Yes, I'm a father all over again.



First to come was "Alexa" (Code name: "Baby Rola A"). I wanted to name her after another famous Hollywood movie star (After naming our panganay "Julia" ala Julia Roberts). Pam however put her foot down a week ago and said she wanted "Alexa" for no apparent reason other than it sounded "sossy" (Eh gusto ko eh!). To all unmarried men out there, never, never argue with a woman with a bowling ball under her skirt-- it's too painful, hahaha. "Alexa Sophia" btw weighed in at 5.4 pounds.



Next up was "Audrey" (Code name: "Baby Rola B"). Fortunately after the Alexa incident, Pam was compassionate enough to allow me to name the second one, and Audrey was my choice (for Audrey Hepburn.. oh deh-ba!). I wanted to add a second name "Nike" after the greek goddess of victory, kaso Pam said I should stop while I'm ahead ("You're enjoying too much freedom Tuny, down boy"). Audrey Isabella weighed in at 4.12 pounds.



That's Julia above visiting mommy and the twins.

So we have Julia (Roberts), Audrey (Hepburn) and Alexa (The Great? De Rossi? Hehe)... Sorry Pam, couldn't help it.

Oh yeah bebeh, things can only get better in my fishbowl.